Words
by Varmint
Summary: It's so loud inside my head with all of these words I didn't say. Now, I'm drowning in my regret as the breathing next to me slows down and becomes quieter. All of those times I looked to him as my savior, yet he let me fall to the ground as if I were common trash. So many words in my head, so many things I should have said. But, you can't hear me. Not anymore. Character death.


I saw the blood on my hands. Shallow breathing coming from the body next to me. The blood tasted like poison as it's aroma hit me. I felt the thickness in the air as the person next to me lost his life slowly… But still I felt nothing. Absolutely nothing.

"_Fuck you, you bastard! I'm leaving!" "How could you sleep with such a tramp, a slut, a hoochie? How could you?" "That's the last straw! I'm taking my bags and I'm leaving! I'm never coming back!" "I hate you! I hate you!"_

So many different words in my head. So many different things… They were so loud… They were hurting me…

"_I hope you burn in hell!" _

I looked back at the dying red head, still not quite seeing things. I saw his body, I saw him dying, but I didn't _see _him.

"_I can't take this anymore, Roy… Goodbye." _

I had said words much like those. But they were different. So different now that I think about it. "Hey, don't worry, Roy." I said with a smile, walking towards the door of our apartment. "I'll be back before you know it." I opened it, and walked out, "See you soon."

That was a year ago. I had an accident, I was out of commission for a whole year, then BAM! When I return, I find him on our bed with another person. A common prostitute.

"_I can't believe you could've done this! I thought you loved me!"_

It's so loud… Why had I not said those words? Why had I let it get so far? Why did I not stop it?

"_Roy, I want to settle down. Get married, have a family." _Why had I not told him this? Why had I not put my foot down the first time? Why had I let it get _this_ far?

"_I think maybe we should break up. You know, see other people."_

I still remember that first phone call. The one which I had gotten after my accident.

"Hey Wally." His voice had been so sweet and soothing. Where had that gone?

"What's up, Roy?" I asked, trying to take the pain out of my voice.

"Well, not your health, that's for sure. Maybe the bills." I thought he had been joking. Apparently he hadn't been.

"So what are you going to do? Are you going to come down to Central, or?" I had asked, only for him to breath in sharply.

"Wally, you know I have to study for school. But don't worry, I'll visit you soon."

He never did. He didn't visit at all. The phone calls were short and rare, but I was content with them, because I was so in love with him. I guess love really is blind.

"_Why don't you come back home? You don't have to get drunk every night, Roy." "Please stop hitting me. I'm already getting tired of it." "Let's go out on a date, a _real _date."_

Slowly, the breathing became shallower and quieter, ultimately stopping. _"We're through, Roy. Goodbye." _I had never said those words. I had never ended it, and neither did he… Well, at least officially.

So many words in my head… So many things I wanted to tell him… But I couldn't… Not anymore… Not anymore…

I stared into the dark walls of his apartment, letting his blood seep into my clothing.

"_I hope you find yourself a nice little slut that likes sucking your attitude, you fucking dick!" _

His eyes… The blue eyes held so much pity for me… It was like he thought I wasn't important or... what could it be? Maybe he thought I wasn't worth it... I don't know… If only he had waited for me to recover… If only he had held on a little longer… I would've proved him wrong…

Why had I not said anything? Why had I not stood up for myself? Why had I let this continue? Why? Why?

"_Fuck you, you bastard! I'm leaving!" "How could you sleep with such a tramp, a slut, a hoochie? How could you?" "That's the last straw! I'm taking my bags and I'm leaving! I'm never coming back!" "I hate you! I hate you!"_

So loud… So loud…

Suddenly my hands started trembling wildly, making the knife fall out of them. The noise it made when it hit the floor was all that I needed. I quickly jumped out of my stupor, then looked around the room.

"Roy!" I yelled, suddenly noticing the dead body on the bed.

I sped towards him, trying to find a pulse, a breath, anything to know he was alive. Speeding all around him, I found nothing… Absolutely nothing… I fell to the floor, my knees buckling under me, and stared at the lifeless blue eyes.

I felt the tears start welling in my eyes, but I just stared ahead. God, what had I done?

"_I don't think we should continue this, Roy. My uncle's getting suspicious, Ollie doesn't want you around me… Maybe this has gotten too out of hand." "Look, the Bat doesn't want me with you anymore… Apparently they think I'm the one that's drinking and smoking, so maybe I should go."_

He was a drunk… I knew that from the start… He would come home drunk almost every night, ravage me, then fall asleep. I had gotten used to that, but then came the cigarettes. I still stayed with him… I was still in love. The smell of booze and tobacco clung to me, and the team quickly made assumptions. Rocket, Kaldur, and Conner were the only ones that believed me, but they're trust wasn't enough. I had been kicked out of the team, out of my life, all because I fell in love with Roy Harper.

"_Roy, maybe you should stop. The smoke's killing me; the booze is taking up all our money… We can barely afford the apartment anymore. You really need to stop."_ Why had I not said anything? I lost everything because of him, yet where was he when I needed him?

I just continued staring at the blank eyes as I drowned in my own thoughts, slowly suffocating in the silence.

"You brought this upon yourself." The words left my lips without my permission, but I wasn't surprised. They say the truth will set you free, will that work for me? "I loved you, I would have done anything for you, yet you cheated on me and lied to me…" I glared at him, suddenly finding rage filling me.

"I did everything for you! I was kicked out of the team because of you! I left my home because you told me to! I believed you, yet you were a dick to me! You brought a fucking slut almost every day! Where did I fit in your little scum-bag fantasy? As the fall back if you didn't get any?" I yelled, suddenly losing all control of myself. "You suck, you know that!"

I was yelling at his body as if it would answer me… "Everything I did for you, yet you did nothing for me!"

Those were not even a quarter of what I wanted to tell him, but I suddenly lost my voice. As tears fell down my face, and the rain thundered outside of the run-down apartment, I figured that out.

"But it's not like that matters. You can't hear me." _Not anymore. Not anymore. _"Nothing else matters." I whispered, then my sight caught the glinting of the knife.

I slowly crouched and picked it up, and hesitantly brought it to me left wrist. It's now or never. And, like I had done everything in my life, I cut my wrist in a flash. As the blood gushed out of my wound and I staggered backwards, all of the times I spent with Roy came back to me.

"But you can't hear me anymore..."

**Please review. I'm thinking of leaving it like that only, but if I get enough reviews, I might make a second part. Also, I did this pretty late at night, so blame the lack of sleep for any grammar mistakes. This was my first one-shot, so I hope you enjoyed. It also was my first take at Slash. Even if it was Dark.**

**Remember, review.**


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